Looking at yourself in the mirror, children going crazy in the background, are you saddled with unnecessary guilt, fear and self‑doubt?
Do you suffer from physical exhaustion that leaves you confused and depressed?
Your authority as a parent – do you find that your children constantly test, challenge, resist and blatantly defy it?
Does your child have the knack of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time in front of the wrong people?
Have you found your child’s timing to be “perfect” – planning a special event weeks in advance only for him/her to fall ill on the exact day?
At the root of all of this is a raw desire for power that comes over in the form of control.
This unique little person is seeking to control others, control his/her circumstances and control himself/herself.
The desire to run our own lives and that of everyone else, if given the chance, is a universal phenomenon.
My approach is to first get a proper read on the type of temperament your child has as that will play a big part in the line of approach we will follow to address the problems at hand.
Dobson (1987) – Temperament Questionnaire
Dobson postulates 3 basic temperaments that can be distinguished at birth.
They can partly be attributed to environmental influences shaping and moulding the child, but most of all his/her temperament is inherited from the parents.
Difficult child
- Negative reactions to people
- Intense mood swings
- Irregular sleep and feeding patterns
- Frequent periods of crying
- Violent tantrums when frustrated
Easy child
- Positive approach to people
- Quiet adaptability to new situations
- Regular sleep and feeding schedules
- Willingness to accept the rules of the game
Slow‑to‑warm‑up / shy child
- Respond negatively to new situations and adapt slowly
- Less intense than difficult children
- Tend to have regular sleeping and feeding schedules
- When upset or frustrated, they withdraw and react mildly
Behaviour problems of children
Research has shown that all children go through periods of behaviour and emotional difficulty, generally more prevalent during the early years:
- For both boys and girls, an average of 5 to 6 problems at any given time during pre‑school and early primary school years
- Children ages 6 through 8 have more behaviour deviations than older children ages 9 through 12
- Overall, boys have a higher incidence of behaviour problems than girls
- There is little difference between an only child compared to a child with siblings in the amount of problem behaviours exhibited
- The difference between normal and abnormal behaviour is one of degree (i.e. how often does the behaviour cause a problem for the child, the family, and/or the community?)
Schaefer et al. (1981) – 6 Categories of Behaviour Problems
Immature Behaviours
- Daydreaming
- Hyperactive
- Impulsive
- Short Attention Span – Distractible
- Silly‑Clowning
- Messy‑sloppy
- Overdependent
Insecure Behaviours
- Anxious worrier
- Fearful
- Low Self‑esteem
- Depressed / Self‑injurious
- Hypersensitive to criticism
- Compulsive‑Perfectionistic
Habit Disorders
- Thumb‑sucking
- Nail‑biting
- Bedwetting
- Soiling
- Sleep Disturbances
- Eating Problems
- Stuttering
- Tics
Peer Problems
- Difficulty making friends
- Poor social skills
- Rejected by peers
- Aggressive behaviour towards peers
- Excessive dependence on adults
Conduct Disorders
- Lying
- Stealing
- Truancy
- Vandalism
- Aggression
- Defiance of authority
Psychosomatic Disorders
- Headaches
- Stomach aches
- Nausea
- Dizziness
- Asthma
- Allergies